Put on your Oxygen Mask First (Musings on feeding yourself as a Parent)
There was a moment in my parenting journey that shifted the way I feed myself. I was standing over the sink scarfing a half eaten hot dog while craving a salad. A mixture of rage, and self loathing marked this breaking point, as I reflected back at how many quesadilla leftovers and other crap I’d eaten for dinner. No more, I though—I’m going to start cooking for myself.
Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot gave the safety talk, advising us parents to put on our oxygen mask first. “And if you have two kids, choose your favorite,” he joked. I share because many of us need a push to be more selfish sometimes, in service of the greater good. A healthy dose of humor can help.
What I’ve noticed since the day of the last hotdog, is that when I began to focus on my own health and desires, more things fell into place for our entire family unit.
I’ve written and shared before about the hot dog over the sink moment. I realized that when I was grocery shopping without a plan, I was naturally catering to everyone else first. It inspired me to create a google doc where I mapped out all of our meals for the school year- 43 weeks, 3 meals a week, for a total of 129 meals, with shopping lists and links to recipes.
The thing is, we are always thinking about our kids, and we are good at finding ways to accommodate their needs. Most of us need more help taking care of ourselves, so it’s better to start there. Plus the kids end up eating better, trying new foods and learning that everything doesn’t center around them, which most of our kids are needing more of these days.
So what does this look like in practice? I’ll give an example with one meal on regular rotation here, a Vegetable Taco Salad. It has romaine lettuce, beans, jicama, radishes, and tortilla chips, all tossed in one bowl with a cilantro avocado dressing. Sometimes I add grilled chicken if I’m wanting more protein. Whenever I make salad, I’ll toss one for myself & Eddy, but for the kids I may leave a plate with all the ingredients separated, for them to make their own salad, or to eat as separate components. Sometimes I may cut things differently for them, like shaping the jicama into sticks and using the dressing as dipping sauce.
Parenting is an incredibly creative endeavor thought it often doesn’t seem that way. When we start with ourselves, it’s easy to make adjustments to include the kids. When we start with them, it’s a lot harder to meet our own needs too.
Another place I’ve seen the firsthand benefits of prioritizing my own needs is with my creative endeavors. I have to admit I sometimes felt bored in the early years or parenting, organizing art projects and crafts for the kids all while abandoning my own artistic desires. Now, if I’m feeling creative, I might do some block carving, coloring or doodling with art pens, and if the kids are interested or inspired to join I will find a way to include them. It creates a situation that is much more authentic, I get my needs met, they get to see me doing things I love, and they get to do something that feels more real than contrived. It’s no different with eating. Our time on the boat has given me some perspective on how good it is for kids to just fall in line with whatever is happening instead of being catered to. Now that we’re back, I’m seeing how our generation of parents is doing A LOT of catering to their kids. It’s no ones fault, life is so much easier that it used to be, with the modern conveniences of washing machines, convenience foods and screens, and special camps to provide childcare and keep the kids busy. We used to be chopping wood, cooking over the fire, growing and harvesting our food. We couldn’t make our kids the center, and the work we had to do in the world was tangible and easy for them to participate in.
It does take a bit of a mindset shift for some of us, and I think it is one of those situations where what feels counterintuitive is most serving. Being selfish can be the most generous thing you do. I leave you with this poem I love, which speaks to creativity and parenting. I wish I’d made note of the author. I humbly encourage you to turn some of this brilliance back unto yourself.
How do you get a toddler
to eat a stalk of broccoli?
Or a little kid to tie their shoes
and leave the house on time?
Or teach a tween
to be mindful of others?
Or get the moody teen
to talk to you at all?
Creativity!
Being a parent
is the most creative calling on earth
so if you feel
like you have no energy or ideas
for anything else at all
it is because every single day
you are painting
a freakin’ Sistine Chapel
